Originally from medieval England, Whirlin, the funk wizard was a lowly magician playing bass for an unappreciative crowd. His fellow Britons of the dark ages had no taste in music back then and could not bear to listen to the awesome funk that leapt from his strings. After a ten-year period of continuous experimentational jamming, Whirlin’s house was surrounded by 100 of the King’s finest knights and he was ordered to “Shut the fuck up!”
Imprisoned for decades, Whirlin watched kings and queens rise and fall, as England’s vast empire expanded and contracted. Kept in an invisible tower in the basement of the Tower of London, and robbed of his magical staff, Whirlin’s powers were unable to penetrate the ground above. He was literally kept in the dark, while the world above prepared for his power funk.
Then, in the spring of 2007, on a school trip to London, Nick Danger Feder strayed away from his tour group. With a stupid smile on his face, he slid through a door, which was very clearly labled “DO NOT ENTER.” While the putz was exploring the dark underground caverns that were once filled with people being tortured and stuff, the young conductor suddenly found everything looking very futuristic. Disco balls hung from the ceiling. Colored strobe lights and a sick beat drew him down the hall light a moth to a flashlight in the woods. His giant shadow flickered up onto the wall, at first matching his movements, but as he neared the door, it began to break free, until finally, when he was right up to the door, it had gone completely insane and was rocking it’s shadowy brains out. Suddenly, the door slid open, revealing the great wizard, Whirlin jamming on his bass, while a thousand skeletons wearing prison guard uniforms danced. Nick knew at this point that it was time to free the wizard and unleash his awesome funkness on the world above. After hearing Parliament’s We Want the Funk, he was sold. Whirlin’s only condition was the his merry band of prison guards be allowed to come too.
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