Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Sir William Rockensteele


Born in England in the year 1174, Sir William Rockensteele was the son of a knight and a knight himself. At the age of seventeen, he was sent far away to the Holy Land to fight the “Saracens” as they were called. His adventures there were bloody and brutal and filled his mind to the brim with nightmarish visions which haunted him in his sleep. Upon his return to England, he threw down his sword and buried his armor, swearing a blood oath to never harm another person for the rest of his life.

He joined the joined the king’s court, serving as an advisor, but was quickly removed for defending the life of a local wizard. Banished from the kingdom, the old man took the fallen knight under his graces as thanks for saving his life. He taught him how to play bass, something the warrior had never even heard of. When his skills reached their zenith, Sir William asked Whirlin for a new challenge. Whirlin pondered the request for a year before he gave his answer. The response came in the form of his own bass, though Whirlin had modified it. The strings were two octaves higher and there were two additional high strings, making the instrument more versatile and difficult to play. For the next two years, Sir William practiced every day, for hours a day until Whirlin asked to jam with him. The duo played together for ten years, creating tasty morsels of funk rock, which shook the forests around them, causing the local wildlife to act strangely. Soon, people began to fear the forest, claiming it was haunted. After ten years of the two rocking out, their musical adventures were brought to an end. At the request of the people, the king assembled his bravest warriors and they surrounded Whirlin’s home. When Whirlin and William wequested a diplomatic solution, the king sent forth his emissary with a message.
“Oh Whirlin, wizard of funk, and William, knight of the realm, we beg you, please stop playing, for we are overwhelmed. The sounds you make don’t please our king. So please put down that wretched thing. His majesty offers you his royal cup.”
At this Whirlin replied “What is your request?”
“Shut the fuck up!”
Whirlin refused the king’s order and the knights were sent in to put down his symphonic jam session. Hoping to save him, Whirlin sent Sir William blasting into the future to face the warriors on his own.

Unable to bring his guitar with him, still clad in his armor and cape, which he used to wear when he was stoned, Sir William was blasted into the American south in the year 1936. There he encountered a young man named Robert Johnson, a harmonica player and struggling musician. Sir William introduced the young man to the guitar and together they changed the fate of music as it would have otherwise been. Two years later, after a tragic misunderstanding, which ultimately led to Robert’s death, Sir William gained the power to live eternally as long as he continued to play the guitar. This came easily to the knight and he played his way around the country for several years. During World War II, he moved back to England to defend his hometown. After the war, he moved to Liverpool, where he lived and played music. In the early sixties, he met up with a group of musicians, but when they invaded America, he met up with another band and helped them for a bit. Not long after, William moved back to New York and lived their through the seventies and the eighties, which were soon followed by the nineties and the turn of the century. After nearly a decade of hanging out and busking, getting a real job, even dating a little, Sir William was discovered rocking out in the subway. The Conductor, who was already an hour late for work, heard his awesome rock and was drawn to it like a moth to a candle, but instead of going up in flames, Nick was hypnotized and invited Sir William to join his band. Sir William was hesitant at first, but when he went to check out the studio, he heard something he hadn’t heard in almost a thousand years. Upon entering the studio, the awesome bass jams coming through the soundproof door sent him into a frenzy and he burst through the door, only to find his old friend Whirlin wailing away on his old bass. Sir William joined the band immediately.

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