Shinsesaizā is a robot from Japan. He was originally constructed as a mechanical replica of Miyamoto Musashi, but a deffective codec in his programming led him to make awesome beats and gave him the ability to perform superhumanly with a synthesizer. Countless attempts were made to correct the deficiency, but after countless unsuccessful trials, he was discarded and a new prototype went into production. Shinsesaizā was thrown out with the rest of the bottles and cans. On the way to the recycling plant, he leapt out of the truck and went into hiding.
For a while, he scraped out a living as a street performer, becoming the most successful living statue of all time, until it was discovered that he wasn’t living at all and he was driven out of Japan. Shinsesaizā found his way onto a ship heading to America and first set foot on red, white and blue soil in California. There, he continued his career as a living statue, making thousands of dollars. After a while, a nice old lady suggested that he come to her grandson’s bar mitzvah. Needless to say, he was a big hit. The children swooned over his lack of movement and squealed with excitement with every move he made. Then a fat kid, a giant, smelly, not-even-wearing-a-suit-to-his-friend’s-bar-mitzvah, called him out.
“Hey, statue!” he said, being a little douchebag. “I bet you’ll move for this!” He threw a piece of cake at the statue. Shinsesaizā began to panic. His eyes began to glow red and his mechanical body began to shake. Sparks flew from the circuits in his neck. The children ran, screaming, jumping behind tables for fear the robot might explode. It was silent. Nothing moved. The robot stood there, trembling, cake sliding down his cool metal frame. Then, as if sent down from the gods of electronic dance music, a sound pierced the silence that sent waves through the very earth. The beat was so epic that the building began to come down around him. First, the windows shattered, followed by the roof, which caved in, bringing down the walls and the partiers, the nice old lady and that fat little turd who thought he was funny. When the dust cleared, Shinsesaizā looked around him. Upon seeing the slain children – except the fat kid – his heart…or whatever robots have that function the same as a heart, was filled with the robot simulation equivalent of sadness. He began to cry. But, because he was a robot, his cries came out in the form of a series of beeps and whistles and synthesizers. His cries joined the beat and together he made a jam so awesome that it raised all the party guests from the dead. Except for the fat kid. But he went to the hospital and only had a broken wrist anyway. He was just faking being dead. Asshole! Shinsesaizā was unable to rebuild the synagogue, but the party goers were so moved by his outrageous musical stylings that they simply worked around it and danced until the old people started to pass out.
Shinsesaizā continued to play bar mitzvahs. He traveled the country doing dubstep remixes of traditional Jewish songs as well as a few other popular numbers. As his popularity grew among Jewish teens, he was called to Europe where he was hired to play at the bat mitzvah of a little girl named Lizanne, but due to inexplicable circumstances he never found the venue. Instead, he went out for the evening with a couple of graphic designers named Gaspard and Xavier and they hit every club in Paris. The next day, Shinsesaizā woke up in Cordoba, Spain. After some sweet sounding vomit, he went into hiding in La Mezquita, vowing to never drink or hang out with graphic artists again.
A few years later, in the spring of 2005, while visiting the city of Cordoba, on a tour of La Mezquita, the Conductor found himself separated from his group. After slipping through a door that said “DO NOT ENTER” in French, Nick tripped over Shinsesaizā’s solid, rusty frame. Scared, flustered and upset, the robot burst into tears. At first, Nick was taken aback. His ears weren’t ready for it and he covered them instinctively, but when he listened to the sounds coming from Shinsesaizā he was brought to his knees and begged the robot to join him.
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